After we announced the 2011 SQLCruise schedule, we heard the same thing over and over: “I want to go on the Miami cruise, but I don’t want junior-level training.” We even heard it from the people who signed up – they said, “We signed up hoping you’d do expert-level stuff instead.”

What, you thought we learned on the beach?

You want expert-level, you got it!

We worked with the cruisers who signed up for Miami to build a more advanced training schedule that worked for them. Here’s the new agenda:

I Knew You Were Waiting

Turns out George Michael and Aretha Franklin were right all along: our SQL Servers have been waiting for all kinds of things. Join our own pop duo who will show you how to interpret SQL Server’s wait stats. Not sure this session will be any good? You gotta have faith. Here’s what we’ll be carelessly whispering:

• I Want Your Stats (how to get SQL Server to give up the goods)
• Fastlove (how to produce amazing performance reports in minutes with SQLnexus)
• Don’t Let the Speed Go Down On Me (that one just speaks for itself)

Defensive Indexing

Nobody ever gets you involved in schema design AHEAD of time, do they? Oooh, no. They drag you in when the server’s on fire, queries are dragging their feet, and users are screaming for relief. We’ll show you:

• How to look at an execution plan and know with confidence if you should add an index
• Why some indexes shouldn’t be deleted even if they’re not being used
• How to quickly build an index health report for your developers and clients

SAN Admin Lie Detector

Your SAN admin is probably lying to you. You’re frustrated because SQL Server is dead slow, you’re seeing all kinds of storage waits, and everything points to the SAN, but the SAN admin says it’s not his problem. It probably is – and Brent will give you the tools to prove it. Strap him to the SAN Admin Lie Detector and learn:

• How to read the hidden SAN signs in Control Panel
• How to test the SAN in 5 minutes
• How to write a report proving it’s the SAN without making enemies

The Periodic Table of Dynamic Management Objects

The Math – Dynamic Management Objects: there were 89 of them when they were introduced in SQL Server 2005; 136 when SQL Server 2008 released. That figure remained steady when SQL Server 2008 was R-twoed. That’s an increase of almost 35% over the course of the last two-and-a-half releases of SQL Server. What of the newest release, Denali? Currently (as of CTP 1) there are 155 Dynamic Management Views and Functions.

The History – The Dynamic Management Views and Functions were never going to see the light of day off of the Redmond Campus. They were being used internally during the development process for the Yukon release that would become SQL Server 2005 to identify and troubleshoot development issues. Then a mildly average developer had an idea…

<CAMERA FLASHES TO ONE OF THOSE ATTRACTIVE GLITTERY-VAMPIRE ACTORS PLAYING THE ROLE OF DEVELOPER>
“What if we exposed these powerful tools for all to use? That’s when Microsoft listened to me. Thank you Windows7, er SQL Server!”

Tim Says – Who would think that I would be using math and history to introduce the topic of Dynamic Management Views and Functions within SQL Server? Probably the same person who would have told me I would be providing SQL Server training with Brent Ozar on a cruise ship. However that is precisely what I’m doing. Furthermore I’m going to take this a step further and throw down some mad science for organizing DMOs.

The Science – Our history with, and fondness of, computers probably meant we spent a bit of time with our friends in the band and those that frequented the chemistry lab back in high school. Therefore we are probably all at least familiar with the Periodic Table of the Elements. Well I’ve used a similar approach when it comes to graphically presenting and organizing the DMOs available up through the current release of SQL Server. Partitioned by purpose and assigned corresponding coding for type (DMV v. DMF), SQL release, and tasks; the Periodic Table of Dynamic Management Objects will serve as our reference point for examining the myriad of performance tuning opportunities we can take with the DMOs. From troubleshooting performance issues to providing proactive tuning before performance troubles arise, we will examine many of the current (and some of the future) DMOs to explain what they are and how they can be used immediately once you return to dry land and your data centers far removed from the salt seas and sandy beaches we’ll experience while in recess on SQLCruise.

Sound good? Go check out the cruise, meet your fellow cruisers, and register today! There’s only 7 spots left…